The desire to be perfect is a common want. The desire to be a perfect mother is so coveted. Yet, we have all heard that we cannot be perfect, but we can be good enough. However, I am often stressed and frazzled and left wondering "am I good enough?".
I want what is best for my child and imagine that what is best for Ellie is not always what is best for everyone else's child. I am sure that is even true among siblings as each child is uniquely different. The question is "how do I know what is best for Ellie?". It is that question that plagues me. That leaves me spending large amounts of my free time researching. Researching and worrying.
There is no joy in worrying. It eats away at the soul and steals time away from your loved ones. It robs you of your sleep. It sucks the happiness out of your down time.
It is not productive to fixate on the things that cannot be changed.
Here is what I do know, my husband and I try to provide the appropriate therapies to help Ellie succeed. We are trying to keep her socially engaged while providing her with "down time". We obviously feed her, clothe her, and give her shelter. Most importantly, we shower her with love and Ellie knows that she is loved by us. I am going to try to take a step back from my incessant worrying and enjoy today because all of what I just wrote says that I am good enough.
What sorts of things do you worry about while parenting?
Ughhhh...I struggle with this so much but I think we all do! I worry that Hailey doesn't get enough of me because she is 1 of 3...I worry that I don't "do enough" because we have other commitments (soccer, school, homework, etc). She does get lots of love though :-) (maybe too much...some days!)
ReplyDeleteOH, this post hits to the very soul of my being. Having Julian come into my life I think has saved me from being a perfectionist parent (to some extent). Most things in my life came easily to me...I didn't have to struggle much, yada yada yada, didn't experience many types of differences in my life. Then came along Julian and bang - I was forced to consider what perfectionism really means. Perfectionism is true love, I have decided. True acceptance of IMPERFECTIONS and giving your imperfect self a break - knowing that you are doing your best. Knowing that your baby is doing his or her best at all times. That is perfection to me.
ReplyDeleteGood question. I know that if Samantha is happy, I've done a good job. But there is always the need to know if what I'm doing is *enough.* I often worry that perhaps I've missed a crucial early-stage opportunity for her. That I've held her back from things that she could learn from (*allowing* her to fall down once in a while instead of guiding her each and every step, giving her opportunities at an earlier age to try different foods so we wouldn't get stuck in the picky-eater rut we're in currently, letting her make a mess to explore her creative side instead of wiping up each little spill, letting her get her hands dirty, etc.).
ReplyDeleteGosh, that is so me...worrying if I am doing enough as a parent! I also worry the choices I make aren't the right ones for my children and there will be consequences, but I try my best and that's all I can do :-)
ReplyDeleteYou're exactly right about worry. It is not your friend. I worry about whether I'm giving Kamdyn everything she needs. If she would do better/more if she had _____. I worry if I am giving my other kids enough time/attention. I worry that they will resent things. At the end of the day, I know it will all be fine, and I try no to worry about it.
ReplyDeleteI have the constant worry that we're not doing enough work with Bailey. She's such a vibrant, joyful part of our family that we want to enjoy her, not constantly make her do therapy-type activities. It's so hard to find that balance. And honestly I feel like lately I've been doing WAY too little with her regarding her physical development. She's 17 months and no where near crawling...or wanting to for that matter. I can't help but feel like that is because we aren't working with her as much as we should...urgh, how to figure out what is enough and what is not?! That's what I worry about!
ReplyDeleteIt seems that all of us have very similar concerns and fears. I firmly believe that the most important thing is that we love our children. From all of your comments, it is very apparent just how much all of your children mean to you and just how much you want what is best for them. Our love for them is what makes us strive to do our best for them and to me, that means we are "good enough", excellent parents parents.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Anna!
ReplyDeleteI tend to worry about whether or not Landon gets enough good healthy food to eat, whether he drinks enough milk or too much juice. I worry if he gets enough sun, and whether daycare is going to scar him for life... I worry worry worry.
But I am now going to make a bigger effort to remember that I am the best mommy I can be to him, and that I am "good enough."