Monday, February 20, 2012

Poop Happens

The antics of Ellie Bear often leave me laughing so hard that I cry.  Big fat tears roll down my face as I try to gain composure.  She is a cheeky little thing with so much spunk and energy that I many times think "this must be payback from when I was a little girl".  Come on, we all know Ellie gets her sass and hyperactivity from me.

Me, hyper?  Never.  I am the picture of tranquility.


Ellie's most recent antic or disaster, if you'd like to call it, has me laughing now, but at the time, I was a bit mortified.  I am warning you, if you get squeamish, now is the time to stop reading.  If not, carry on!

It appears that Ellie is trying her best to limit my attempts at working out.  I thought I had finally gotten her accustomed to the gym day care only to discover that incessant crying, screaming, and flailing isn't the only way to get recalled to the Kid's Club at 24 Hour Fitness.



For the past few workout sessions, I have heard "Will Anna Theurer please report to the Kids Club" in a loud, booming voice on the overhead speaker.  I always feel like I am in trouble.  As though I must report to the Principal's office.  While Ellie is no longer throwing epic tantrums that can rival that of any two year-old, she has however rescheduled her bowel routines to coincide with my workouts. (I know she is doing it on purpose)  That's right, just as I get into my grove on a heavy piece of torture device gym machinery, Ellie poops.

Thanks Ellie.

Glad to know you are regular.

But Mama, everybody poops.


However on Thursday, my mortification climaxed (yes, I said "climax") once I reached the Kids Club to change Ellie's diaper.  It appears that Ellie took advantage of a lapse in staff supervision and helped herself to the contents of her diaper.  Oh yes, there was poop everywhere.  It was as though she painted herself in doo-doo.  It was a nasty, foul-smelling stink bomb all over her hands, shirt, and face.  Yes, her face.  Apparently, Ellie decided to sample her little cow patty.




The looks on the staffs' faces were priceless (hey, maybe you should have been watching her a little better. Seriously, it looked like Ellie spent a good 15 minutes perfecting her poop-art).  I am left wondering "will they ever let me back into 24 Hour Fitness?".

On the plus side, at least there were raisins in her stool so it wasn't completely unhealthy.  (Gross, I know!)


I am so ashamed!

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(Okay, so here is the rest of the story.  I arrive to the Kids' Club and the care providers are not doing anything-as in they are not stopping Ellie from her continued attempts at poo art [might I add that there were only 4 kids total to two care providers].  I start to wipe The Yucky Bear down with an entire package of wipes and I find out that I cannot get into their bathroom because it is locked.  Meanwhile, both caregivers are just staring at us.  I firmly ask them to unlock the damn bathroom door unless they want more poop everywhere.  They finally unlock the door and I ask them to hit the lights.  I continue to scrub down Ellie with another package of wipes, change her into another adorably, insanely cute outfit and then high-tailed it back to my elliptical machine leaving Ellie in their "safe" care.  I think the staff wanted me to escort my dear daughter out of the Kids' Club, but no, the way I look at it is they should have been watching her closer.  Today, I returned to the gym and fortunately our favorite, usual care provider was there.  There were no poop incidents aside from the diaper that I had to change 10 minutes into my workout.  I am debating on only working out on the days when our favorite care provider is working. )
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6 comments:

  1. Hahaha! Hahahaha! Ha! Oh yes, the poo art is funny but I am still laughing that you blogged the word "climax"!! :)

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  2. Oh my gosh. Hilarious and horrifying all at the same time! Im so glad that they are going to let you go back to the gym. :-)

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  3. Oh no! I think they should have been watching her better too. Geez! Kamdyn had a little incident not long ago, where she pooped in the tub. I grabbed it out and was throwing it in the toilet, but she did another that I didn't see. When I looked back, she was shoving it into her mouth! So gross!

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  4. Disgusting...yes, they should have watched her closer! Hope your next workout goes uninterrupted!

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  5. Wow! I'm just kind of in shock they don't change the diapers themselves! They really require you to stop mid-workout and go change your child? That's crazy! I believe that is the first I've ever heard of something like that.

    Poor Ellie!

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