Monday, August 29, 2011

"Ugly R*tarded Baby Girl Toddler": search term

*I want to thank Meriah from With A Little Moxie from hosting this blog hop on 6/6/12.  I am revisiting this post as the topic is "what has been said" about someone with a disability*

I bet this post title really got to you.  Hopefully, you are fuming.  I know I am (and crying).  I love blogging and I enjoy checking out the "stats" on The Chronicles of Ellie Bellie Bear.  I like to see who has visited from where and what was the most popular post of the day.

Typically, I see search terms such as "down syndrome baby" or "sandal gap toe ultrasound" and even "Ellie Bellie Bear".  However, I was not prepared to see "ugly retarded baby girl toddler".  WHAT?!  Another punch in the gut.  Another shocking reminder that while there are good people, there are people full of ignorance.  Who searches for stuff like that?  I am serious here.  What sort of information is a person looking for when they type those nasty words into a search engine?  Why did it bring up Ellie's blog? I really just do not understand.

Children are born good with an innate sense of acceptance and love.  That is my belief.  Ellie and I go to play-scapes and parks with older children.  These children, maybe 8 years give or take a few years are just yearning to play with Ellie.  They say "is that your kid?  She is SO CUTE!".  They do not see "disability".  They see good.  The adults in their lives (parents, TV, movies, etc.) that change their views.  They are taught that differences are bad.  It saddens me for then we are left with a society who googles "ugly retarded baby girl toddler" for who knows what reason.

I know that some of this comes with the territory of having a public blog, but I hope, that to whoever searched for an "ugly retarded baby girl toddler" left The Chronicles  thinking "Wow, what a beautiful little girl!  Look at all of the wonderful things she can do!".  One can dream, right?



After all, when I look at Ellie, all I see is beauty.  I see that she has the same straight blonde hair as my husband.  She has the signature chubby Theurer cheeks.  Her large, almond-shaped eyes are full of mischief and yes, intelligence.  Those bright and sparkly windows to the soul are from my mother's side of the family.  Ellie's smile is full of sass and straight tiny teeth.  She may be a baby-girl-toddler and she may be "delayed" when it comes to achieving developmental milestones, but she certainly isn't ugly or "retarded" in the derogatory sense of the word.



My daughter can and will do everything other children can do.  She can walk.  Fast.  She can scale a staircase or playground like a gymnast.  She can communicate her needs and look up at me with her bright eyes saying "mama".  She can feed herself and create a lovely mess.  She "walks" her baby doll in the stroller, "reads" books, and stacks blocks.  Ellie plays fetch with our dog. She has the stereotypical toddlertude complete with full blown tantrums.  Yes, it has taken her longer to accomplish these tasks, but she perfects them due to her great determination and motivation that rivals even the best of us.

Ellie is a beautiful baby-girl-toddler inside and out.




Mama Bear needs to grow a tougher skin because things will not change overnight.  Perhaps I am 'preaching to the choir'. Yet, I can pray and I can hope that with each day and each post, I can reach out to the community dispelling myths, stopping disability slurs, encouraging acceptance, and educating one person at a time.  After all, it is one of the main reasons I started this blog.



To my Ellie Bellie Bear: I love you so much snuggle bear. You are perfect, absolutely perfect.



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Co-Founder of Stop Disability Slurs http://www.facebook.com/stopdisabilityslurs

45 comments:

  1. Ellie is stunning, and I never realized how much you two look alike! that last pic is super cute...
    did you google the phrase too to see where your blog comes up? just out of curiosity I'd want to know...
    and I get the craziest searches too, once people were coming to me with how to poison and kill your husband!
    pay no attention babe...all the cool people know how awesome Ellie is

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  2. Hopefully your blog will help show folk who do find it with an inappropriate search term what a beauty Ellie is. Thank you for sharing her beauty.

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  3. Anna,

    Ellie is perfect. We are all perfectly made just as God intended us. But we live in an imperfect world where Satan prowls like a lion on a leash. Don't let him snatch away any of your happiness. Know that your Ellie Bear is loved and we ALL love the way you love her. Take care of that heart friend, it is so precious.

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  4. that's really shocking... I mean, beyond the meanness of slurs like that, it's just flat-out WRONG; Ellie is one of the most beautiful little girls I've ever seen. She's so lovely that frankly, I get a little scared, in the way that I always do when I see a fragile, lovely blossom.

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  5. Love, love, love my Ellie Bear! My heart does hurt for you, Anna. Hopefully your angel educated some clueless (because my momma told me not to call people bad names...like I really want to) person was educated by your beautiful daughter.

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  6. I bet they got to your blog and were SHOCKED to see the most gorgeous, beautiful toddler you could ever see- I bet they realized how cruel they were and will think twice in the future about things. I hope so anyway. I am just naive enough to think we are changing the world one blog post at a time. Love you, Anna!

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  7. She is beautiful and she gets it from her mama. Sad for people who have been raised in such a way that they may never see anybody different then them as beautiful. It is shameful and sad.

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  8. She's not only gorgeous but is one of the prettiest little girls I've ever seen. Take that, ignorant internet jerks!

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  9. She is soooooo beautiful!!!! And I bet they *did* leave your blog with a new understanding, too. I haven't yet gotten any super bizarre searches on my blog, and I know that those searches pull up certain words that may have been mentioned in a post (regardless of context), but SERIOUSLY, who *does* search on something so awful? Some people are very sad and very sick. I think they like to think ugly things about other people to make themselves feel better about themselves.

    Ellie is perfect.

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  10. Obviously, they did NOT find what they were looking for!! and hopefully they learned from her beauty! they learned that ugly and ds don't go together!! She is beautiful!! And like Patti, I hope we are changing the world one blog post at a time, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when we see evil, especially directed towards our blessings......

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  11. Ellie's beauty takes my breath away!

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  12. I know that whoever searched for that was amazed when they saw our beautiful Ellie bear!!!! Much love and hugs!!! You are awesome!

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  13. Big hugs to you and the lovely Ellie.

    Sucky people suck. I frown in their general direction. (I also frown at people who drive hummers, but they suck for an entirely different reason).

    Now stop looking at that stuff, it's like Googling yourself, nothing good can come of it.
    Love you lots.

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  14. I get the oddest and strange things and ways people come to my blog as well... I hope that person was blessed by you and your family! Big Hugs and I just adore Ellie Bellie Bear :) xoxo

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  15. Ellie is beautiful and some people are ignorant and some are just down right mean. I am with you and see nothing but sweetness and love. Just remind yourself how special Ellie is and how special your family must be for our Heavenly father to bless you with such a sweet spirit. <3

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  16. Your daughter is not only beautiful she is a perfectly precious handiwork created by a very Good and Gracious God....Hugs to you and your darling daughter.

    Nevin sent me. =) And his mom....

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  17. Your Ellie is absolutely gorgeous!!! I'm so sorry that happened and it hurts my heart too. I also have a beautiful little girl named Eliana (that we also call Ellie at times) and I blog about her for the same reasons you do. I want the world to know she is a blessing!

    Sending you hugs
    Leslie

    PS Nevin sent me. ;-)

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  18. I agree! She is 100% adorable. People are crazy! Keep on rocking!

    :)

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  19. It makes me sad that people can be so cruel, so ignorant. I hope whoever it was left here with only Ellie's beautiful face in their mind.

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  21. I got here from the posting of another blogger. Your beautiful daughters photo put a smile on my face. She is perfect.

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  22. My beautiful nephew, Nevin, and his wonderful mama, Laurie, sent me here! :) We know first hand the beauty and wonder of a person with an extra chromosome! What a special gift Nevin has been to us - what a special gift you have in Little Ellie. She is an angel.....

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  23. Ellie is a gorgeous pretty girl! Try doing a google search for "uneducated, ignorant, ugly on the inside person" and I'm sure you'll find the sort of person that googled that awful search. Head high, you KNOW she's gorgeous. Xxx

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  24. She is beautiful and what a joy for you.

    I cringe when I hear people, mostly young people, casually use the *R* word as if it is funny or a put-down. Its their ignorance, but at least we know better and are better people for it!!

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  25. She has your eyes.

    She is beautiful.

    She is exactly what God wanted her to be.

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  26. Thank you everyone for your kind comments and for seeing the true beauty in my daughter. There are many ignorant people out there, but I also know there are many good people--people like you! Thank you for your support!

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  27. She's beautiful, and she's perfect, just the way she is. Those hateful terms are a reflection of the user, not on Ellie. Keep on keeping on.

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  28. Oh my word...she is too cute! I linked from Lauries blog too. We are adopting our son from Europe (I am typing this from Europe actually) and we CHOSE him regardless of his DS. These words don't always come from hate. They come from fear and ignorance too. Ellie is beautiful! And she's lucky to have you as an advocate!
    Bringingsterlinghome.blogspot.com
    -Erin

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  29. What beautiful girls...both of you! God did not make a perfect world. He could have but He chose not to. I believe it was so we could learn to see the beauty in everything and everyone. Your sweet little one is filled with joy - you can see it in her eyes. The most incredible worship service I ever attended was made that way by a DS young man who worshipped with such abandon and joy that he left us all thinking "I want to be like him!" I'm sorry that you must experience the thoughtlessness that sometimes comes your way but the joy in your precious baby's eyes is your reward for overcoming such matters. Blessings, Marlene

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  30. Marlene, you are a wise lady! You are correct. My Ellie Bear bring so much joy to me and Andrew. Her eyes sparkle with mischief and with joy. I need to develop a tougher skin :-)

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  31. I'm afraid I was searching for 'ugly toddlers' myself - I had been asked to design something that had a cartoon of the bride and groom as ugly kids and wanted to see some of the expressions kids pull to make them 'ugly'.

    I couldn't believe it when I saw this beautiful little girl who just shone on the monitor. It makes me sad to think that anyone would consider any child ugly but your baby is beautiful.

    How wrong Google can be!

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  32. What a gorgeous daughter you have! And how lucky we moms are to be blessed with our sons and daughters. I followed the link from A quilting sheeps blog and I am so glad I did :)

    Mean people really suck.

    Beth

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  33. I had searched for Ugly Little Girl (was actually looking for an old blog by that exact name) and found this page -- not because I myself felt the girl pictured was so, but because those words already appeared on this page. (That's how Google works, basically.) However, when this person searched for that search term (pretty messed up to begin with!) and came to your page, it was not not because that's how they felt about your daughter. There had to be some logical reason why your page showed up with that search term. And that's generally because some or most of the search term words appeared on that page.

    Now keep in mind also that Google replaces slang words with politically-correct ones during the search. For example, you search for "retarded", Google may show you pages with the word "disabled". And, as I mentioned above, it doesn't even have to contain *all* of the search term words for the page to show in results. (Google will match ALL the words only if you put the terms in quotes).

    So for example, I might search for Toddler Girl and find your page, though it would be further down the results list. But remember, it's all about the words on your page. So even when you say "my baby girl is NOT ugly" (and she's definitely not!), someone searching for ugly baby girl may still find you.

    However, just because they searched for that, perhaps in Google Images, and saw a picture of your adorable daughter, they may have clicked on it just because they're thinking "Why in HELL would SHE be in this list??" That's certainly what I was thinking, and the reason I clicked on it!

    Anyway, I don't know you, but I wish you well! Though there may be some messed up people out there, they don't matter -- and for all intents and purposes, they don't exist. You have some great people visiting your blog, judging by the comments, and those are the only people who count! :)

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    1. Hi Twijjit. . . I finally came to the same conclusion after the initial shock wore off. I talk about the r-word a lot and obviously with this blog being about my little girl from babyhood to toddlerhood the words "baby" and "toddler" frequently appear in my posts. Anyway, I do appreciate you taking the time to leave me such a long comment. I really do! You explained it all so eloquently and I certainly and I love your kind words about my daughter. You are right, those messed up people do not matter. Thank you :)

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    2. Aww, thank you! I bookmarked this post to see if you or anyone else might elaborate on what I wrote, and was glad to see you came back to reply. You did bring up another point that I'd forgotten about. Google uses several different methods to decide a listing's "rank" (how far down in the results a site will appear). Partly this is done by how many websites are linking back to yours, but it's also done by "word weight", which is how many times each search word appears on someone's page. I don't know which page they landed on when they searched for that term, but I would guess it had several instances of "baby" and "toddler" on it (it does by per-page, not the entire website), which would put it pretty high up. I'd bet this person clicked on several others as well as yours when they did this.

      There are two kinds of people on the internet. There are human beings...and there are trolls! My own website seems to attract trolls (most of these people come from YouTube - mystery solved!) and I do well in filtering them out. My own website is the only place I would ever post pictures of my own daughter, or share any kind of info about her, simply because I would go absolutely "daddy with a shotgun" on someone if they ever said a negative word about her!

      But for trolls, that's just what they do. They live for causing trouble on the internet. It's unfortunate, but at some point you may come into contact with one - it's always likely when you share personal information on a public website, especially when the page has a comments box. (Most of my past websites have not had comment boxes for that reason!) But I hope that when/if that happens, you'll remember what trolls are -- "Less than" human beings, who take nothing seriously, who spout comments that 99% of the time even THEY don't truly believe, for the sole purpose of making others miserable. The only way to fight back against a troll...is to ignore them! Because they don't deserve anything more than that :)

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    3. Also! If you'd like to check out the site of which I speak, I think you might enjoy it! Aside from having 30,000+ TV episodes and 3,000+ movies, we're also a friendly group of people who talk about many different things. You may even find some kids movies Ellie would like! It's a private site (that's how I keep the trolls out!) so I'd have to send ya an invite code. If you're interested, or any of your readers for that matter, shoot me an email and let me know who ya are! We're always looking for a few new good people to welcome to our community :) -- Email: staff (-at-) ytepisodes.com

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  34. Hi! I read your article on this blog and I wanted to explain how I got here because if you saw my search terms I did not want you to be upset. I am a mom of 3 kids and I was looking at Facebook and saw a friend of mine holding an adorable baby girl. I commented to my husband how cute she is and he said "of course you think she is cute, you're a woman and you think all babies are cute." He then said "I bet you could google "ugly baby" and still think all the babies are cute. So I took his challenge. And he was right. I did not find a single ugly baby (except the one that had Mr. Bean photoshopped over it's face, which was disturbing). As I was going through the pictures I saw your beautiful little girl and clicked on her picture. She is adorable and beautiful and I have no idea why this would come up on those search terms, but a lot of other beautiful babies did too. I am sorry that people suck and I am sorry if my search caused you any pain, that was never the intent at all. Your daughter is a precious angel and I am sure she is a blessing.

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  35. Hi! I read your article on this blog and I wanted to explain how I got here because if you saw my search terms I did not want you to be upset. I am a mom of 3 kids and I was looking at Facebook and saw a friend of mine holding an adorable baby girl. I commented to my husband how cute she is and he said "of course you think she is cute, you're a woman and you think all babies are cute." He then said "I bet you could google "ugly baby" and still think all the babies are cute. So I took his challenge. And he was right. I did not find a single ugly baby (except the one that had Mr. Bean photoshopped over it's face, which was disturbing). As I was going through the pictures I saw your beautiful little girl and clicked on her picture. She is adorable and beautiful and I have no idea why this would come up on those search terms, but a lot of other beautiful babies did too. I am sorry that people suck and I am sorry if my search caused you any pain, that was never the intent at all. Your daughter is a precious angel and I am sure she is a blessing.

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    1. Hi Gena,

      Thanks for your comment! I am chuckling a bit at your husband's thought of us women thinking that all babies are cute. Your search did not cause any pain and I appreciate you taking the time to comment. You showed me another way that people could come across my little Ellie.

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  36. I think she's perfect, beautiful and she's lucky she have you as her mother.

    best of luck ^^

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  37. She is beyond adorable. You just have to remember that there are so many lonely, hopeless people in the world who feel the only way that they can get attention is to be mean to strangers and lash out. They figure negative attention is better than no attention. They're probably suicidal, and pissing people off is the only reason that they have to get up in the morning. Simply ignoring these idiots is the best way to deal with them. Block their ability to post comments, and don't respond, because that's what fuels them. eventually they will just swallow a bullet, and the world will be a better place!

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  38. She is beyond adorable. You just have to remember that there are so many lonely, hopeless people in the world who feel the only way that they can get attention is to be mean to strangers and lash out. They figure negative attention is better than no attention. They're probably suicidal, and pissing people off is the only reason that they have to get up in the morning. Simply ignoring these idiots is the best way to deal with them. Block their ability to post comments, and don't respond, because that's what fuels them. eventually they will just swallow a bullet, and the world will be a better place!

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  39. Beautiful happy little girl! Seeing her smiling face has cheered me up no end. x

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  40. I found your blog after searching 'plump cheeks' in a fit of self-loathing after being told that I'm ugly because I am very cheek-boney/hollow-cheeked and a picture here showed up. It's weird, but I felt compelled to comment...your little girl isn't an 'ugly, retarded' little girl, she's absolutely adorable, and she has the nicest smile and the happiest, prettiest bonny blue eyes. She's adorable, and will grow to be beautiful and just from the photos I think she's a little girl with a lot of light and spirit and willpower in her. The people who aren't beautiful are people who make cruel comments from the safety of computer screens. It doesn't matter how beautiful they are on the outside, they're hateful and ugly on the inside and that's what matters - it will come back to haunt them in the end.

    People that hateful and disgusting aren't worth your time. They want to hurt you because there's something wrong with them - ignore them, let them wallow in their venom, cruelty and self-imposed misery, and be happy with your happy little girl. Be happy in a way they can never be, ignore them because you have a happiness they are too sick and poisoned ever to have, and know that they only try to hurt you and Ellie because you have what they can never understand or try to have. They are sick, disgusting excuses of humanity - just ignore them. They can't be reasoned with, they're far too stupid. Ignore them, and be happier and more content than they could ever dream of being.

    You and Ellie are better than them. Ignore them. They are stupid, ignorant, hateful, mindless and disgusting and absolutely not worth your time... just ignore them, don't validate them, and be happy. Being happy is the worst way you can hurt them, and I beg of you, rub that salt in those wounds…hurt them with your happiness and kindness, and watch them flee like vermin in the wake of your happiness… don’t bother with people like them, and never give in. They will try to hurt you, but know it’s not you or Ellie that’s wrong – it’s them, and what goes around comes around.

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