IEP Meeting, Behavior, Vision

When I last left off, I talked about Ellie's regression and the need to move her into a different classroom setting.  I know that it needs to be down.  That it is best for Ellie at this time, but I am just not happy about it if that makes sense.

Last week we had Ellie's IEP meeting, which was completely anticlimactic seeing as I met with Ellie's Functional Academic Class [FAC] teacher twice and her new Functional Communication Class [FCC] teacher.  It was more of a formality - sign the paperwork.  I am really glad that I met with the FCC teacher in advance.  I felt so much better afterwards.  We discussed goals and she showed me in detail how she will teach Ellie and help her to accomplish her goals.  I think that this move will be good for her.

I was, however, not happy the decrease in inclusion time.  In FAC, she would spend 30 minutes with the 1st grade and then specials (art, music, and PE).  In FCC, she loses most of that. She does get reverse inclusions where they bring a typical kid in from the 1st grade to be with her for about 30 minutes. I don't really think that counts, in my opinion. The reason they are taking away inclusion time is because "with her behaviors, she requires too much redirection and is not getting much out of it".  My concern is, how can she learn appropriate social behaviors if she cannot be around and model herself after typical kids?  We did negotiate and decided that she can float into FAC for announcements, lunch, and recess.  With recess, she will remain with the 1st and 2nd grade class, which is good because there are 4 girls that love to play with Ellie.

Rather than wait until the next school to move Ellie to her new classroom, we decided to transfer immediately to the FCC room.  So on Monday she started FCC and I am told that she is doing well.  Minimal behavioral issues.  I think that I just jinxed her!

Two weeks ago we started weekly Applied Behavior Analysis [ABA] therapy in hopes of building up Ellie's social skills and working on her problem behaviors.  She has some 1:1 time with the behavioral therapist and some time to be with other kids.  I have been informed that she does really well at following directions.  Humph!  I wish she did that at home!

At the recommendation of the ABA therapist, we took Ellie for an autism evaluation yesterday at neurology.  We learned that Ellie has bad ADHD.  No kidding!  The doctor said that while she has some autistic-like behaviors, which is common in kids with Down syndrome and developmental delays, she does not have autism.

I recently ordered the book Supporting Positive Behaviors in Children and Teens with Down Syndrome.  I am hoping that maybe I can learns some tips to deal with Ellie's behavior and maybe gain some understanding.  I shall report back after I read the book.

We went for our annual ophthalmology appointment on Monday and learned that Ellie has great difficulty seeing out of her right eye.  It crosses a lot.  So we have the great pleasure of trying to convince Ellie to wear glasses.  I am wondering how much her poor vision has affected her school work?  Is she acting out more, trying to escape work, because she cannot see the learning materials?



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Quick Updates All Around: Travel, Lice, School, Friendship, and the passing of Amelie

I started this post about lice.  Yes, LICE.  As in Ellie had lice a few weeks ago.  That post isn't completed. . . yet. . .  but I decided to write about more mundane, and less disgusting things today.  Such as, what we have been up to the past few months!

In May, we had Ellie's IEP meeting.  You can learn a little bit more about it here.

It was also my darling, Tabitha's birthday.  My forever daughter in Russia turned 5 years-old and may or may not have aged out of the baby orphanage and transferred to an institution.  Given the adoption ban, I no longer receive updates on this sweet girl.  If any of you happen to know how she is doing, please contact me.

Andrew had a huge conference in Vancouver, B.C towards the end of May and I got to join him halfway through!  My mom flew down to care for Ellie so that Drew and I could have a mini getaway.  This is something we haven't done since Ellie was a baby and it was the longest we were away from her.  We had a lovely time eating out, checking about the water, and meeting up with my friend Lisa.  We went to the Capolano Suspension Bridge which is a huge deal.  I am petrified of heights.  I had this idea that I would swoon from the fear, crack my head open and then fall to my death.  Thankfully, that did not happen.

While we were gone, Austin and the surround areas were hit with record rainfall.  There was massive flooding just to the south of us.  At one point I-35 was washed over.  We had friends lose everything.  People were missing.  We were fortunate that the only damage we had was to our garage.

Bear graduated out of PPCD [preschool preparedness for children with disabilities].  I would love to tell you that she had a big graduation complete with cap and gown, but there was really nothing to mark the day.  She does have a few days of summer school that last about 2 hours/day for 4 days/week for 5 weeks out of the summer.  During her down time, we are having a grand old time with friends.

Girl's night with Sheryl & Rita at Cru Wine Bar

The not so fun part is that all of these doctor's visits seem to have snuck up on us.  My personal favorite is the dentist.  Ellie is usually such  little toot.  Screaming, thrashing, biting - and that is just a daily thing at home with me brushing her teeth.  So imagine my surprise when Bear cooperated for a dental cleaning - tooth brushing, fluoride treatment, flossing!!!

Then of course there was the lice incident, but more on that later.  Let's just say it was horrendous nit combing her hair and taking care of all of her hair accessories - hats, headbands, bows, horse helmet.  

It was very fortunate that the lice infestation was caught the week before our much anticipated trip to St. Louis to visit my parents.  Could you imagine bringing lice to another person's house?!  Ellie and I traveled to St. Louis sans Andrew.  Andrew had just returned from a business trip and needed to put in a bunch of hours at work and he also had great plans to work on the laundry room (this would be the laundry room that was gutted back in late December and the one that I blogged about in March).  

The Chunky Chicken was a rock star on the plane and behaved really well when we went to places like Kaldi's Coffee and this restaurant out in Washington, Missouri to visit my Uncle Robert and Aunt Sue.  Our visit was quick and we didn't get to see many people outside of family.  Ellie tried a ton of new foods - hamburger, deli chicken, alpine cheddar, gluten-free cookie.  I noticed that she did this the last time we went out of town back in March to visit my best friend.  Maybe the change of environment and being around new people make her a bit more adventurous?  We also managed to wear her out because she was going to bed between 6:00pm-7:00pm!

I ended up going with the white and the black mug from
The Shack, but I think I should have sprung for the red one too!

Unfortunately, a huge shadow was cast upon this trip.   My beloved 7 year-old tortoiseshell rescue kitty was compassionately put down.  To be so far away and not get to say good-bye was and has been rough.  The return home was extremely upsetting.  My spunky kitty didn't run to the door to great me.  She will never burst through the dog door and "chirp" at us.  She will never sleep on top of me again.  

Amelie was our honeymoon kitty.  The day we got back from our honeymoon, Andrew and I went to PetsMart to pick up dog food for Rodeo (?-2009) and kitty litter for Tama.  I walked out the door with Amelie in tow.  My little rescue kitten had a whole lot of spunk and personality.  Just after Ellie and I left for St. Louis, Andrew noticed that our Ame wasn't eating and seemed less energetic.  She used to sit on top of the fridge instead was laying around on the floor or on Andrew.

She arrived to the vet dehydrated, constipated, with a temperature of 95 (normal cat temp 100.5-102.5).  It was assumed that she had some sort of infection that entered her blood.  After a bunch of labs, it turns out that she was not septic, but was in kidney failure, most likely due to congenital polycystic kidney disease.  After intensive treatment, it because apparent that Amelie's body was shutting down (she was 91 degrees by the end) and we opted to compassionately ease her suffering.  It was really hard for Andrew to see her like that, but he was with her in the end when she gave him one last "meow".

I miss her so much, but I know that she is now playing with our dog Rodeo and curling herself up in his tail like she used to do back when she was a tiny kitten.

Parents Shaming Parents: IEPs and schooling decisions

Yes, we are here!  We are still alive!  I know that it has been well over a month since I last posted.  Here is the thing, I wrote most of this post about a month ago then I sort of got side tracked and well, life happened.  This post is something that was difficult for me to write because it is a "hot topic" and I am shy in the face of conflict.  I welcome discussion, but this post is absolutely not about the school system and what educational placement is best for so-and-so.  Rather, this post is about something I have been witnessing amongst parents for a while now and it really came to a head these recent months as we prepared for Ellie's transition IEP into Kindergarten.

Jane Doe : “I have an 8 year-old daughter with Down syndrome and she has full inclusion at x school”.  

The above statement runs rampant in several Facebook groups related to Down syndrome or special needs.  The introduction includes the kid’s name, age, and if they have full inclusion at their school.  Well, you only list their schooling if they are in full inclusion.  If it is partial inclusion or full seclusion, forget about mentioning it to the masses.

Now, say that you are to introduce yourself  in a Facebook group:

Johnny Appleseed: “I live in Austin, TX and I graduated summa cum laude from an Ivy League school.”

What is that???  Seems pretty pompous, right?  Bragging.  Snooty.  Gives an air of superiority.  Leaving people wondering why on earth this person is announcing their credentials during a basic introduction.  It isn’t like you all asked where this person went to school! 

How is Jane Doe’s introduction of her daughter any different?  It isn’t.  Why do some parents feel the need to take on their child’s school placement as a badge of honor?  What if you kiddo spends 50% of their time in a special education classroom?  Or 100% of their time fully secluded?  Does that make your child “less than”?  Does that mean that you are less successful?

Whether or not a child is in a fully inclusive environment or a self-contained environment doesn’t mean a whole hill of beans.  Your child’s school placement is not  a reflection of your self  or your success as a parent.  It is, therefore, not something to be touted about either.  So leave it out of the introduction.

This brings me to something that has been heavy on my mind lately.  It is what we as special needs parents and educators refer to as “IEP season”.  IEP stands for an Individualized Education Plan.  The emphasis being on Individualized as in a “not one size fits all”.  You will hear horror stories about schools railroading parents into placing their kids into a fully secluded classroom because that is just “what they do with all kids who have a disability”. You will also hear about wonderful teachers who truly want what is best for these kiddos and will fight tooth and nail to get that child what she needs.  You will hear about LRE [least restrictive environment], which is truly open to interpretation by the parents and by the schools as well as mainstreaming and inclusion.  However, this post in not about the schools or school placement or LRE-that is a whole other blog post.  This is about the parents.  How parents are treating other parents when it comes to educating their child with special needs.

Facebook can be a great source of support for parents, but it can also be a place of shame.  Arguments are popping up like dandelions all over my newsfeed and it makes me sad.  

There are two schools of thought:

1. You should fight for total inclusion and if your child isn’t in a general education classroom with /without support, you are doing a disservice to your child.  You are not setting them up for success.  You are not fighting hard enough.  Or your school isn’t good enough and is breaking a gazillion laws. 
2. You are being completely unrealistic if you think your child will thrive in 100% inclusion.  She has a cognitive disability.  She needs to be pulled out for more 1:1 education or she will otherwise sit in the back of the classroom not learning and will be disruptive.

Oh Wow!  Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. 

There is not legal definition of what exactly “Inclusion” entails.  No step by step direction on how schools must implement inclusion along with LRE.  This can be a great source of anxiety as well and frustration for us parents.  We need each other’s support, not shame. 

First, a brief breakdown of terminology: 

Full inclusion is a child being included 100% in the general education classroom with typically developing peers. Inclusion for many may look like having a 1:1 aide or an aide amongst 3 kids with special needs, or moderate classroom adaptions.  Among parents, it is often pushed as the gold standard for special education.  Maybe it is the gold standard, maybe it isn’t.  That isn’t what this post is about. The biggest complaint among parents is that the schools will not help their children be fully included in every general education class.  That some of these schools look at the disability label of their child and put her into this little box saying that she need to have her education in the X classroom.  

Full Seclusion involves a special education classroom with all kids who have special needs.  It is full seclusion when there is no time spent in the general education classroom.  This is something that many of us parent struggle with.  There are several studies that do not support this type of academic setting.  Children need to be included with their typically developing peers — this is to the benefit of BOTH those who have special needs and those typically developing kiddos.  However, there are some parents who know that their child will thrive if the majority of their time is spent in this type of setting.  

Then there are the in-betweens - also referred as mainstreaming or partial inclusion — spending most of the time in the general education classroom with “pull outs” into a resource room or the spec ed classroom for more 1:1 teaching on specific subjects.  i. e. “Sally will spend x minutes in the general education classroom with pull outs for Math”.  Or you can have the opposite where the majority of the time, the child is in a special education classroom and is “pushed in” the general education classroom for certain subjects.  For instance, “Ellie will spend most of her time in her Functional Academic Classroom [FAC - spec ed classroom] with push-ins for art, music, social studies, and science.”  When she is pushed in, she will have an aide accompany her for added support.  

I will always fight for my little Bear.  

I know that many of you reading this have an idea on what educational setting that I described above is ideal for your child and some of you are not sure - either way, that is okay!  Just please, this is NOT about the school system and these different classrooms or what the school is/isn't providing your child— like I said, that is a whole other blog post.  It is how the parents behave towards other parents.  It is about needing to support each other as we try to navigate the complex maze of the school system in working towards enabling our children to learn in the best way possible while developing healthy peer relationships.

There are SO MANY ways to help a child reach her maximum potential.  Each child is an individual and as such there is no “magic” school setting that is best for every single child.  Rather, the setting must be adapted for each child; catering to her strengths, weakness, and learning style.  What am I saying here?  Let us stop belittling parents for the choices they make.  Let us stop shaming parents when they decide they need to go up against the school and fight for what their child needs — whether it be full inclusion, full seclusion, going to their home school, or going to a “better” school 20 minutes away.  Let us no longer tell a parent that they are “not doing enough” or that they are “setting their child up for failure”  or that they are "being unrealistic" because their child’s education plan doesn’t match your child’s or is what your idea of a perfect IEP is. They are doing the best that they can.  They want the same thing as you — what is best for their child. Instead, can we all just support each other?  Say “I have been through this too and it is exhausting and draining.  You need to do what is best for your child individually and I will support you.”

So, what happened in Ellie's IEP meeting? The one that I didn't post about on Facebook because I "just didn't want to deal with the drama"?  It went well.  I was all prepared for a battle, but I didn't need to be.  We all went in knowing how Ellie learns best, her strengths, and her weaknesses.  Where her challenges lie and what she excells at.  We have opted to have Ellie attend a school outside her home school about 20 minutes away.  This school has a more inclusive environment in which she will be "pushed in" for art, science, social studies, lunch, recess, and music - pushed into the general education kindergarten.  For the remainder of the time, she will receive more 1:1 instruction in the FAC classroom which has 8 kiddos with special needs, ranging from grades K-5 and reverse inclusion for reading and adaptive PE.  This is what we wanted for her.  We want Ellie to have interactions with typical developing peers, yet we know that she gets overwhelmed in large classroom settings.  She freezes up and then acts out, unable to learn.  We know how her ADHD drives her.  Full inclusion would not be a good fit for her, but full seclusion wouldn't be either.  We needed something in the middle and we are excited for what lies ahead. 

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Typical Tuesday: Little Miss Hailey

Today, I would like to welcome guest blogger Michelle from The Hailey Herald.  Her daughter, Hailey, has an even more impressive fashion sense than Ellie Bear.  This is the 2nd post in my new series-Typical Tuesday.  I love seeing what a typical day looks like amongst friends as what a day in our household looks like may be different than another family's.  It gives newer parents a glimpse into the day-to-day life of an older child with Down syndrome.

A Day with Hailey
by Michelle Arthur

Being the youngest of 3, Hailey's days sometimes are not her own.  Some of them are dictated by her very active older brothers.  Between baseball, basketball and soccer, they keep the entire family's calendar booked.  Our week days are quite similar though (well...unless we are dealing with the lovely Midwest snow like we have all this winter).

I can't always tell you when Hailey's day begins.  Most days, it starts between 6:30 and 6:45.  Right before mom wakes up.  Hailey has a baby gate at her door to keep her from roaming through the house at night.  Last week, we woke to our door being slammed shut repeatedly!  She stands at her gate and exclaims quite loudly, "Bray-den!  Bray-den!"  He bounds up the stairs quickly trying to not wake the rest of the house up.  By the time I come downstairs at 7, Hailey is either in full play mode in the playroom or cuddled with her brothers on the couch.  They are deep into an electronic and don't seem to notice her curled up against them. 

Eventually, I can coax her to the table for breakfast.  She will generally eat the exact same breakfast every day.  Yogurt, waffle, fruit and water.  She will dictate that you use butter and syrup and she will tell you which fruit she wants.  Breakfast seems to be a nonstop battle recently because the boys eat and then head upstairs to get dressed.  Anytime one of the boys exits the room, Hailey believes that is her cue to leave the table.  Sigh....some days she is too observant.

She prefers for Daddy to get her donuts!

The boys leave at 7:45 and 8:15.  During that time, we convince Hailey to stop playing with the toys and dress up items she has chosen and we get dressed.  She's getting better at dressing herself, but still needs some assistance.  Four days a week Hailey has preschool.  I still drive her everyday so we head out around 8:30. 

Every now and then, she tries to convince me that this is proper attire for school!

Hailey loves school!  She gives me a big kiss and hug before she bounds in the front door.  I pick her up a few hours later. 

Singing at school

My predictable daughter asks for a snack or applesauce as soon as she tells me she had a good day.  One day after she first started school, I brought goldfish or an applesauce pouch for her to eat on the way home (busy work to keep her from falling asleep before getting home!).  Apparently, one time is enough for her to create a habit...unlike the 21 days it takes the rest of us!

She likes to look at books in the car, too.

Sometimes, we don't make it all the way home without falling asleep

Love seeing this gorgeous face every afternoon

Hailey walks into the house and has a "chat" with her bunny chair and then requests lunch. 

Telling Bunny about our day

It's hardly a request though.  It's more of a dictatorship.  She tell me "crackers, yogurt, cheese, celery, ranch, turkey and grapes".  It will vary sometimes, but she seems to want the same every day.  She will not give me any objections if I change the "menu", but I generally do not fight her if we have everything she asks for.  Ironically, when she is home by herself, I don't have to fight her to remain at the table.  Just when big brothers are home...hmmm.....  Lunch is followed with play time and if I am fortunate, nap time. 

A little playtime after lunch,

She loves dress up and her babies!

Hailey sleeps with a small army of stuffed animals.  Doc McStuffins, Chilly, Stuffy, Squeakers, Hallie, Lambie, Gabby, Boppy and her dolls, Bob and Abby.  Everyone has to sleep on their stomach...just like Hailey does.  She also sleeps with a weighted blanket.  It seems to calm her and help her stay asleep (yay for Mom and Dad!).  Her nap varies from an hour to two hours.  Some days she will open her door and bound down the stairs looking for her brothers.  Other days, she will cry at her door until one of the boys comes to get her.  I don't always see her when her brothers arrive home.  

She loves being with them even if they ignore her from time to time. 

The boys' work on their homework so we work on identifying shapes and letters and occasionally use apps on the iPad to work on letters and sounds.  She works better while the boys are doing their homework. 

Dinner varies depending on the night.  Some nights we eat as early as 4:45, but overall we prefer 6.  Most nights we eat, clean up and then head out the door for one of the boys' practices.  They aren't Hailey's favorite, but she has been getting better at them.  Some days she runs the entire time up and down the halls of the school...giggling the entire time.  Other times she will look at flashcards or a book.  It all depends on what Hailey's mood is. 

Sometimes, dinner must be eaten on the go.

She is their biggest fan!

Some days we play with other siblings at practice.

Bedtime starts at 7:30 with a bath and her medicine.  She currently takes two medicines for season allergies.  They are the only thing that seems to keep her sinus infections at bay.  I don't like to give her medicine, but she seems to have a runny nose year round if we don't.  After medicine, she asks for milk.  She will steal a snack if her brothers are within sight.  Ian has been known to hide so he doesn't have to share!  She will then tell you if she wants milk or kefir.  Sometimes she will even try to sneak chocolate milk.  She lines it all on the counter ready for you!

Here she stole someone's ice cream.

Bedtime for Hailey falls between 8:15 and 8:30.  99% of the time she lies down without a fight or disagreement.  Some nights she will tell us good night and head up the stairs when the boys head up.  Those nights, she sneaks in bed with them...hoping we will let you stay with them!  She will tell me good night and tell me to turn the light off. 

Sneaking into bed with the boys.

She didn't even make it to bedtime!

Daddy referees and sometimes works late hours.  Whenever he comes home, she will stop any of these activities and park herself either beside him or on him...for as long as he will sit still!  Hailey is a pretty easy girl, but overall she likes her schedule and it seems to keep her centered.  Older brothers change it up a little, but she rolls with it.



You can continue to follow Hurricane Hailey 

over at The Hailey Herald

http://thehaileyherald.blogspot.com