While circumstances prevented Andrew and I from adopting my beautiful Tabby, I rejoiced when her forever family found her. I was excited as I anticipated her being "an orphan no more". To know a mother's love. To be held. To be properly fed and nourished in both body and in soul. To be read to. Sang to. While I couldn't be her true mommy, I felt such relief knowing that she would soon have one.
It wasn't meant to be.
The day when Putin banned all American-Russian adoptions, my heart plummeted. A spirited, red-head girl with a little something extra would be trapped. Trapped in that orphanage. Her forever family unable to reach her. What if Andrew and I tried harder? Would we have been successful? Would we have had her out of there and secure in our homes before this ban? What if I lied about my history of depression and anxiety? Would we have been allowed to adopt then? What if? What if? I feel so guilty.
A child, my child sentenced to a life without a mother and father.
Is she loved?
Is she receiving affection?
Is she receiving enough food and water?
Is she receiving proper medical care?
Does she have friends?
Is she warm enough at night?
My Tabitha turns 4 years-old this May. As many of you know, this means "imminent transfer". Transfer to a mental institution. As many of you know, this is a horrendous sentence. Wasting away.
I couldn't write about her. Because you see, if I wrote about Tabby, it meant it was/is real. It solidified that her forever family wasn't coming for her. With tears streaming down my face, I beg you to please pray for my other daughter. Pray for her and let us not forget that while our country has come a long way (and still has a ways to go) in our treatment and views of children with disabilities, many other countries still shuttle them away from the public eye. Labeling them as "unworthy".
So yes, I haven't written about these children in a long time, but I have been thinking about them daily. My heart ever so heavy. Breaking for these kids. For my Tabitha.
So very heartbreaking, Anna. Will be praying for your sweet girl.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the prayers.
DeleteSo, so sad.......those poor children. I pray for them daily and I will pray for that sweet girl too.
ReplyDeleteOnce your eyes and heart are opened to these children, you never forget or stop hurting for them. I am so sorry that this little darling got caught up in that political bullshit. We fell for a little girl named Masha when we went to get our girls. Her parents had not released her for adoption, so there she sat in limbo in the orphanage. We hope that eventually her mother gave in and agreed to take her home (her daddy was crazy about her and wanted her).
ReplyDeleteMy fingers are crossed that Tabitha has the love she deserves.
Oh that just breaks my heart! I do hope that Masha's family took her home. You are right, I will never forget or stop hurting. I just wish I could get an update on Tabitha.
DeleteTUC - The mom who visited her kid in the orphanage and refused to relinquish her parental rights probably loves her girl dearly and, well, doesn't want her to be adopted by anybody else! In a poor country like Ukraine, orphanages are often used as boarding schools by poor parents. Is it a wonderful option for the little in adoptable girl you met? Of course not! But it is likely the best available option for that girl and the mom that loves her! It is more than a little condescending to criticize another woman whose clearly doing the very best she can under sub-optimal circumstances that happen to be her life in Ukraine.
DeleteI'm very very much hoping the Russian adoption ban will be lifted -- but totally disappointed that the strategy for getting it lifted doesn't appear to include anything sensible like our government holding up its end of the adoption treaty or coming up with a better way to screen PAPs or cracking down on the vile Reuters Child Exchange-esque "re-homing" websites that continue to flourish. It's scary as all get out that supposedly well-screened folks who passed a homestudy, security checks, multiple reference checks and upwards of $35k per kid still ended up harming the very Russian-born kids they promised to love and protect!
I sent you an email Anna. Have a great weekend.
ReplyDeleteSue
Little Tommy "Tom-Tom" Musser drowned in the bathtub when mommy Susanna had better things to do than ensure the poor kid didn't drown.
ReplyDeleteTom-Tom is the rare child who actually would've been better off in the awful Pleven Orphanage. He survived 15+ yrs of horrific neglect.
Just over a year of "mamalove" from Susanna killed him.