Happy 18 Months Ellie!

Happy 18-Months Dear Ellie Bellie Bear!

You have brought so much joy to Mommy and Daddy and to so many other people.  How we lived our lives before you is unbeknownst to me.

Sob!!!  I suppose I now have to completely accept the fact that you are no longer a baby, but rather a toddler.  A toddler Bear with attitude, style, and spunk.

Yay!  We are rejoicing that we clumsy (okay, I am the clumsy one) parents managed to keep you alive thus far.  A whole whopping 18 months!

Since your 1st Birthday, dear Ellie, you have accomplished so many things.  You make me very proud, but you have also given your mama many heart attacks and gray hairs.  You are an adventurer.  Just like the little Ellie character in the movie "Up".

In the past 6 months:

On your first birthday, you got your first tooth. You now have a total of 9 teeth.

You had your second ear tube surgery, an Upper GI series, got cleared from cardiac, and discovered your milk intolerance/GERD/Gastric Paresis.

You started to cruise along furniture.

You started to walk with a push-pull toy.

You now take 8 independent steps.

You can go down the slide at the playground all by yourself.

You figured out how to climb onto the fireplace hearth.

. . . and most recently the porch steps.

You said you first word--"mama".

You started to put balls into a circle shape of your bus toy and blocks into a square shape.

You discovered the cat door and that books as well as mommy's glasses fit through the door very well.

You learned how to bang a drum and shake a maraca with rhythm.

You learned how to "play fetch" with Sophie.

You have experienced 2 more haircuts (bangs!).

You enjoyed your first snow!

You had your first airplane ride to Philly and later to St. Louis.

Ellie, you have experienced many "firsts" in just a few months.  We are so proud of you and we love you so much!  Happy 18 months, dear Bear-Bear.

The Ellie Development Curve Part2

Oomph!  I am a little belated on posting this.  We have been busy enjoying the gorgeous weather and going on park playdates.  Nothing like a little Vitamin D and good friends to brighten the soul! (and wear out the toddler Bear)

Anyway, development.  For introduction and part 1, click here.

Speech/Cognitive:

There are “watchers” and “doers”.  Ellie is a doer.  She is always moving and trying new motor skills.  She does not have time for the other stuff unless she is eating.  Hence, I have started working on our speech exercises while Ellie is in her highchair.  There, in her highchair, she will watch.

We are still doing the letter flashcards of “b”, “d”, “m”, “w”, and “p”.   I wrote about these many, many moons ago (apparently in June 2010). We are really working on the “W” and “P” as she has not made these sounds yet.  I do see her making mouth movements as though trying to immitate so I am hopeful that one day soon she will say “puh” or/and “wah”.  There is a lot of “Wah-Water” from me and “Wah-Whataburger” from Andrew.  I am relatively certain that Ellie will say water before Whataburger although, they do have scrumptious burgers on Texas toast.

Recently, I introduced these touch-and-feel flashcards to Ellie.  Blame Kelle Hampton.  I was using regular cards, but there was no motivation for Ellie to do anything other than chew them.  Fuzzy patches, rough spots, glitter wheels all attract a toddler’s attention.  I can show three cards and she can pick out the fish, bear, and ball.  She gets confused about the dog and cat--she looks around for Sophie & Amelie.  See, she knows dog and cat!

Jan mentioned creating cards for "matching up" by taking pictures of things from around the house.  So here is my latest project with the help of photobucket.com:

Isn't he handsome and dreamy?  

There is also a lot of singing.  Poor Ellie (and Andrew) must listen to me sing songs in my off-key voice about everything--riding in the car, socks & shoes on our feet, in the bucket, etc.  Yes, I make them up.  They are repetitive.  They get stuck in my head.  They get stuck in poor Andrew’s head.  Yet, Ellie has learned to do certain behaviors and expect certain things when I sing the above songs.  Ie, she sticks our her feer for “socks on our feet” and she puts toys in containers when I sing “in the bucket”.  

These crack me up.  Baby Nikes!  Size 3 (that means small feet for 18month-old).
These hard sole shoes are supposed to prevent Ellie from pronating her feet.
Yep, they keep her from pronating alright for she can barely walk in them!

Fine Motor/Cognitive:

Toys are typically thrown, chewed on, or banged together.  A toy that many children figure out immediately must be taught to Ellie.  There is a lot of hand-over-hand behavior and a lot of repetition.  I will repeat that.  A lot of repetition.  A lot of repetition.  Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.  

Ellie cracks me up because when she is first learning about a toy, she grabs my hands and puts them on the toy because she wants it to light up or make noise.  Apparently, Mommy's hands are magical.

Okay, this photo is gross motor.  Ellie is a climber!   Yay Ellie!  That being said, she nearly gave me a heart attack.  She climbed up the stone hearth and moseyed on behind the play-yard.  Eek!  I aged 10 years right then and there!  Visions of Toddler concussions danced through my head!

Our Fine Motor Brag: Last week at music class, the Bear-Bear finally got the drums!  She used the drum stick to hit the percussion instrument.  She, of course, taste-tested the stick, and then banged it in tune to the music.  She is musically gifted.

She has also decided to try feng shui in the baby jail.  Notice her stacking the IKEA bins.  She was standing on the bins to reach the back of the shelf.  She is problem-solving.  Hence, she is a genius!

Whew!  What a long post.  Signing off now.  Night!

The Ellie Development Curve Part 1

I would to thank everyone: friends, family, playgroup buddies, BCC friends, and fellow readers who jump up and cheer whenever our little Ellie Bellie Bear masters a task.  No matter how large or how small it may seem, you guys seem to recognize just how hard she works to accomplish these milestones.  Our Ellie has her own group of cheerleaders!

It might seem odd to some of you that I (we) get super excited when Ellie does something that many would deem "typical" child behavior.  Such as when Ellie figures out how to use a toy or stands while shaking her maraca.  

In our Ellie Bellie world, we celebrate EVERYTHING big or small and it is usually accompanied by my proud mama tears and shouts of "hooray!!!!" and “Ellie is a big girl.”.  Then followed by Ellie clapping for herself.  Then phone calls to the parents.  Then a posting to Facebook.  Followed by a blog post such as this one.

That is a corn puff in her mouth.  Miss Manners still has some etiquette lessons.

That big white thing is a molar.  Not food, but a BIG, HUGE tooth.

I used to take for granted that kids would just learn things like how to point or how to roll over, sit, stand, then walk.  Or how to say words or play with a toy.  Ellie's brain and body do not work that way.  She must be shown.  

For instance, muscles for crawling/walking/sitting/squatting must be conditioned and I must help her learn to use these muscles to achieve these motor milestones.  She has low muscle tone and loose joints. Boxes, pillows, and towel rolls have been used to assist Ellie in accomplishing these tasks. If it were up to her, her back extensors would be used for everything. 

So imagine how excited I was today when Ellie did something her peers have been doing for a few months now at the park.  She went down the slide.  THREE times.  

All. By. Herself.  

(Obviously I was supervising and having panic attacks over the height--she will fall and crack her head open!)   It was one of those heavy duty plastic toddler playscapes.  She crawled up the stairs--yay up stairs!  Then positioned herself at the slide.  She put one foot into the opening of the slide and then went butt first down into my arms.  She learned this by watching the other kids and also because I have gone down the slide with her countless times.  

My baby did it all by herself.  Waaa!  She doesn't need me any more.  Okay, not true, she still needs her mama, right?  Right?  I am proud of my toddler Bear.

Feeding Sophie through the baby gate.  THAT I did not teach her.

Speech/Cognitive:

I am anxiously waiting for the day when Ellie is able to point at what she wants.  Right now, we are stuck with the same 3 signs which are used inconsistently (except for "eat"--food is the most important thing to her) and the word "mama".  Currently, I hold up two choices and watch where her eyes linger.  So Ellie is communicating.  Just not talking.

Still, I was feeling stuck.  After today, I just feel partially stuck. 

Again, at the park Ellie starts to sneeze.  I yell “AAAHHH-Choo!  AH-CHOO!”.  

Guess what the Bear-Bear does?  She starts making these arm movements.  She was doing the sign for “cold”.  You may wonder how sneezing and the word “ah-choo” translates to cold, BUT there is a song in our music class called “I’m Freezing!”

I’m Freezing. (sign cold)

I’m Freezing. (sign cold)

I hope I don’t start sneezing.

Ah-choo!

Ah-Choo!

You know how much I love tutus and pigtails.

Where there is an Ellie, there is a Sophie.

Well, this is getting a bit long so I will continue later on.

Reference: K. Guilmartin. "I'm Freezing". (2010) Music Together: Sticks Song Collection.

Tutus, PigTails, and Dust Pans

One of the things I love about having a little girl is the clothes.  Well, the tutus.  I love tutus and they are all the rave --in little kids.  While I would love to grab my leggings and a brightly colored tutu, I know that strange looks would follow me wherever I go.  So, Ellie Bear, Mama is lovingly using you for dress-up.  There I said it.  Yep, shamelessly dressing my child up.  Not to worry, I would do the same if you were a boy.  Well, not the tutu part, but Converse shoes all the way.

See that smile?  Yep, that was on command. How about a close up.

Look at that little ham.

Back to the clothing.  I picked out the tutu and then let Ellie choose the shirt. I go by which ever one she pulls out of the drawer and crawls away with. . . or chews on (teething).  Ellie opted to go with the Pepto Bismal look.  Er, perhaps Molly Ringwald "Pretty in Pink".

Chick-A-Boom has enough hair for Pig Tails.  The part is never straight because someone must try to Walk.  All. The Time. Ooh I just want to munch on her cheeks and tickle those little feet.

I had big plans that when I bough this dust pan/brush set from the Target $1 section Ellie would help me clean.  Nope.  Instead she prances about the house waving them around dancing.  It is really cute.  

Amelie seems to think Ellie is going to let her outside.  "Meow Meow. Let me out. Meow." Do you see how dangerously close Ellie is to reaching the door knob?!?!?!  Oh help me!  Gotta go find those child-proof door knob thingys.  Good thing it isn't a lever door knob.  

I just had to throw this in here.  Dog.  Sophie Dog.  Up close and personal.

Now we are off to enjoy the nice weather.

The Truth About Depression

This is a rather difficult post to write.  I am not sure what to say or how to say it.  What to share and how it will come across.

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 14 years-old.  Therapists along with medication were my treatment off and on throughout high school and part of college.  At times, I was doing fine and other times I just wanted to lay in bed and scream.  Or cry. Or be snippy with my parents.

It was actually during my Freshman year at UPenn where I also learned that I have an anxiety disorder.  Sometimes the anxiety would be beneficial.  A little anxiety to force me to get off my butt and get that paper done so I could enjoy (obsess over) the rest of the weekend.  Other times, it truly disrupted my life. I would become so worked up over my classes and lack of time to do homework that I would become frazzled, obsessive, and not eat.  Who has time to eat when there is an A&P test to study for?!  I lost ALOT of weight and freaked out my family when they saw me over Winter break.

Major Depressive Disorder.  MAD-seems sort of fitting. Generalize Anxiety Disorder.  GAD.  A miss-mash of letters and labels.  That is all they are-labels.  Labels that place a stigma upon you, but also a label that guides health care providers and therapists on how to help you.

It has been 11 years since then I have been doing relatively well. I finished college, then graduate school, held down good jobs, and now raise my little girl with my wonderful, supportive husband.  There are of course the usual ups and downs.  I try to maintain a healthy diet (notice I said "try"), workout, get enough sleep, and then practice some of those important CBT (cognitive behavior strategies) as well as eat chocolate.  I also take medication.

I recognize that some people have strong feelings about medication, but for me, it is necessary.  One would never tell a diabetic not to take insulin so why should someone who has a serotonin imbalance be criticized for taking a selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor (SSRI)?  When you have a headache, do you not take Tylenol?

It is frustrating when people say things like "why can't you just be happy?". Um, we would all love to be happy and we want to be, but it does not work like that.  People do not choose to feel this way.  Goodness, who would?  It is truly a chemical imbalance involving the neurotransmitters of the brain.

The key is, we can choose to try to get better.  Yet, depression is just that--hopelessness, helplessness, and, the thought that life cannot possibly be better.  That IS the definition of depression.  Fortunately, in CBT, I learned to recognize my triggers (ie lack of sleep) as well as my early signs of depression/anxiety.  That is where I am at.  Recognizing that I am starting to slip into depression.  Recognizing that things are not improving even with my coping mechanisms in place.  Recognizing that perhaps I need a bit more help.

I have been seeking the natural Vitamin D daily.  I have my Thankful Thursdays, my regular sleep routine (the Ellie 4am wake up is NOT helping said routine), yoga, and color-coded list making.  I employ many of my CBT strategies (even when I am not in a depressive episode).  Now, I have made the visit to my psychiatrist where it was determined that perhaps the Lexapro just wasn't cutting it.  That maybe it is time to shake things up.

On Monday, I saw a cardiologist.  I was correct in assuming that last Wednesday's "left-sided chest pain with rapid heart rate" ER event was related to my ever increasing anxiety.  My cortisol levels must be through the roof.  Talk about a wake-up call.  God, I am hearing You loud and clear!  I hear You.  I need Your help and guidance.

Things need to change.  This little girl needs me. . .

Dance Baby Dance

Spread the Word to End the R-Word

Why hello and welcome to Dancing with the Ellie Bears.

Featuring Ellie Bellie Bear-Bear as lead dancer and maraca player.

Dancing Queen.

Twist and Shout.

Ta. Da.

Now for some interpretive moves.

For our next act: Ellie using the cat door as a book drop.

Hum. . . let me just put this in here.

. . .a long with a few other books, a plastic carrot, and mommy's glasses

Winding Down:

All tuckered out.