I am frustrated. I am angry. SPD and ADHD are negatively affecting my daughter. We live with this day to day and most of the time I accept it as just is. This is the way life is. Then, something small (or large) happens and I have a mini-mental breakdown.
|notice most the tops are missing from the crayons.|
Guess who did that?
Which brings me to the following:
The TV has become my babysitter.
I loathe it. I want her to sit quietly and play, but the kitchen island and table are too tempting for Ellie to climb and so Sofia the First on the TV it is. As I attempted to saute the green beans and shred the crockpot roast with a fork, Ellie pushes me aside and signs "color". Now, most of you would think this is a great thing. Coloring! A great time occupier! Developing fine motor skills! A budding artist!
I would give anything to settle my Ellie Bear down with brightly colored crayons and harvest creativity. Yet, I cannot. She eats crayons. I kid you not. At 4 years-old she still eats crayons. Not mouths them, but eats them. A stick of crayon. She actually craves crayons. They are crunchy and waxy at the same time. They satisfy some rather intense oral craving that she has. I cannot leave her alone for even mere seconds with a single crayon because she cannot battle the compulsion. A five minute crayon session can result in the consumption of 4 whole crayons. Trust me, I know this. I must sit directly across from Ellie during a coloring session. (It isn't just crayons. She bites the tips off of colored pencils, eats chalk, and licks paint brushes and don't even get me started with markers as she not only bites the tips but also gnaws right through the plastic, but crayons are her preferred medium).
I could not even let her color.
|chewed up white crayon|
So I cried. Sobbed is more like it. I felt like an epic mother failure. What kind of mother forces her child to watch TV when she just wants to color?! Why can't my kid be like other kids and be able to color? Sensory issues are robbing my daughter of her creativity. They are preventing her from learning to color. Learning to draw even the simple horizontal and vertical lines. How can she ever learn to write her name or draw a stick person if we cannot get writing implements out of her mouth!? Why must things be so difficult for her? Will this ever go away? and will I ever be able to get dinner on the table?
|Random Ellie pic:|
The family that DIYs together is the family that stays together.
*As I look back over this post, I realize it is more about SPD than ADHD. I will write more about how ADHD affects Ellie in a later post because believe me, ADHD Bear's biggest battle--affecting day-today living, learning, social relationships, and even speech development.*